Adventures in Toddling

The blog’s current tagline reads “Yes, we’re old enough to have a child.” This comes from several incidents where people have said we don’t look old enough to have a child. Guess what folks? It’s called puberty (’The Changes’ for all you yentas out there). We are quite old enough to have a child, several actually, if we were so inclined.

I took Julia to the grocery store the other day. I was in the produce section scoping out some melons (I know what you’re thinking, putz) when an elderly woman who was nearby exclaimed “What a cute little baby!” or something along those lines. I smiled kindly at her and answered her questions (Julia, yes it is a nice name, and 9 months). She asked me if this was my first child. This is not an uncommon question. When I tell people yes, they usually say something like ‘You can tell because you’re so proud of her.’

This woman had the chutzpa to say “Thank goodness.”

I ignored that remark and continued shopping (Mmm, melons). A few minutes later, her husband wanders over. Well, I assumed it was her husband, but I guess one of the points of this story is that one shouldn’t assume; he could have been her cicisbeo for all I know. Anyway, she said to him “Look at that adorable child. Her name is Julia, isn’t that precious? Isn’t he too young to have a child?”

“You know, you’re a real schmuck. Clearly, I am both old enough and mature enough to have a child. I’m here buying fruit, putting healthy food on my family’s table, taking darn good care of my kid whom you adore so much and I have to put up with the likes of you and your kibitzing. Why don’t you get your giant schnoz out of other people’s business?”

Actually, I just smiled at the husband/cicisbeo and continued shopping. No use starting a fist fight with a yutzy old lady (though I could totally have taken her).